Tyrone Shoelaces here. So it’s Tyrone Shoelaces’ first night in the Mansion and he goes up to his room to put his clean jersey sheets on his bed only to find laying on his floor a dusty old Gideon’s Bible. Normally the ‘Laces would have dismissed it as a curio but he learned recently that the Bible is the most popular book in America. 2,513 U.S. adults can’t be wrong, so the ‘Laces saddles up and starts reading about Joseph, since he’s the one Bible Joe who seemed to have a style the ‘Laces could dig.

Joseph went to prison but he was smooth enough to make good with the warden, which no doubt helped in his eventual escape. Just like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption. Man, Tyrone Shoelaces loves that movie.

Sammy Stephens sho’ nuff got the shaft in the credits though, maybe because of the Red Scare. Shit, House Un-American Activities Committee, Tyrone Shoelaces would like to see you step under THIS

and we’ll see who’s finished. But Shoelaces feels conflicted about Sammy Stephens. He loves him, but he can’t figure out how much of Sammy he really sees. Sammy is a character to Tyrone. Would you want to be loved as a mere character to someone else? Is that better than never being loved at all? This is why Tyrone Shoelaces can’t sleep at night. This Gideon’s Bible has an apparatus suggesting Bible verses which may be of assistance in various sorts of trouble.