It's Time To Dine!

What is Microwave Mansion?

It is a place inhabited by two fellows, viz., Count Leo Tolstoy and Tyrone Shoelaces. It is a strange and wondrous residence purchased by the prenominate pair in a cut-rate deal, and later found to contain large quantities of unsold microwaves and microwave-related merchandise.

Fair enough. So who is this Count Tolstoy character?

Depends on who you ask. Penguin Classics will introduce him as a rather unsavory sort, spending his youth “drinking, gambling, and womanizing until, weary of his idle existence, he joined an artillery regiment in the Caucasus in 1851.” Some adventures and books followed, as well as a “spiritual crisis.” He had very thoughtful and expansive opinions on such topics as War, Peace, and Art.

Your C.L.T. of the more recent, microwave-filled mansion-inhabiting vintage is somewhat more Internet-savvy than the original. He has email.

Okay. And Tyrone Shoelaces…?

Tyrone Shoelaces catches a fly in midair using his flexor-extensor muscles. The ‘Laces will go one-on-one against the world, left-handed. He could hook shot with his eyebrow. Finger roll from halfcourt. He’s got mo’ moves than Ex-Lax. But he needs help, ladies and gentlemens. He can’t sleep at night. He needs someone to set a pick for him at the free-throw line of life. He needs someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go and not end up in the popcorn machine.

Cool. Does anyone else live in Microwave Mansion?

Sure enough. It’s a big place. Since moving in, The Count and ‘Laces have run across some other interesting characters. To wit: